The Real Harry Potter
by Michelle Riddle
Summary: Have u ever wondered what it would be like if Harry were an Eminem wannabe? Well find out! This is a parody of Eminem's The Real Slim Shady. Reviews welcome!


Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of that…blah, blah, blah. I also   
don't own the tune to "The Real Slim Shady". Now that we all know what I   
don't own, let's move on to what I do.  
  
Note: Ever wondered what would happen if Harry Potter turned into an Eminem   
wanna be? If you have even an ounce of sanity u probably haven't. But, I   
have none, so I give the world my creation, "The Real Harry Potter" which is   
a parody of "The Real Slim Shady" by Eminem.  
  
"The Real Harry Potter"  
By Michelle Riddle  
  
It started out as a normal morning at Hogwarts. No one could have guessed   
the terror that was to come. The peaceful breakfast in the Great Hall was   
soon horribly disrupted.  
Harry Potter suddenly jumped on top of the table, much to everyone's   
astonishment. With his arms crossed on his chest and his hands in the "west   
side" symbol, his appearance began to drastically transform. His hair   
magically shortened and turned from black, to bleached blond. His robes   
changed into a white tee shirt and extremely baggy black jeans. A microphone   
appeared in one hand. He stood still for a moment, letting everyone take it   
all in. Then, he began rapping:  
  
May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please, will the   
real Harry Potter raise his wand up. I repeat, will the real Harry Potter   
raise his wand up……we're gonna have a problem here…..  
  
Y'all act like you've never seen a wizard before  
Eyes popping outta your heads  
Like your kid's favorite gold fish just floated up dead  
And you've gotta switch it just like before  
So little Suzy won't be traumatized  
Throwing her toys at the furniture (Waaaaaaah!)  
I'm back with the…  
"AHHHHH stop, no stop, please don't  
He's not going to say what we think he is  
Is he?"  
And the Dark Lord said…  
I'm gonna kill you, you idiot, you're as good as dead  
Gonna be locked in my basement! (Haha)  
Gryffindor witches love Harry Potter  
Giggle, giggle, giggle, it's Harry Potter!  
"See his scar? Look at him!  
He's always walking around, saving our butts  
From the wrath of you-know-who"  
"Yeah, and he's so cute too!"  
Yeah, I most likely got a brain cell or two knocked loose  
But really, it's no worse then what goes on in the Potions classroom  
Some times I wanna get on the Prophet and cut loose  
But can't, but it's cool for Rita Skeeter to lie, closing in on me like a   
noose  
"Can I have a word with u? Just a few words?  
And if I'm lucky you might give me a little tear"  
And that's the message we present to our little kids  
And expect them not to know what the Dark Lord's real name is  
Of course they're going to know all about that  
By the time they hit Hogwarts to make their grades  
They've got the Witch's Weekly, don't they?  
We ain't nothing but Wizards  
Well, some of us resemble lizards  
Cursing other people into chicken gizzards.  
But if we can fool the muggles and pull other hoax  
Then there's no reason why Fred and George Weasley can't play a few jokes  
And if you feel like I feel, I've got the antidote  
Witches wave your Quidditch rose, sing my chorus, here it goes…  
  
I'm Harry Potter, yes, I'm the real Potter  
All you other scar wearers are just aggravating  
So won't the real Harry Potter raise his wand up, raise his wand up, raise   
his wand up  
Cause I'm Harry Potter, yes, I'm the real Potter  
All you other scar wearers are just aggravating  
So won't the real Harry Potter raise his wand up, raise his wand up, raise   
his wand up  
  
Draco Malfoy don't gots to have a sob story to be popular  
Well I do, so…so just leave me alone, okay! (sniff sniff)  
Do you think I really care about the Yule Ball?  
Most of the girls here can't stomach me, let alone dance with me!  
"But Harry, what if they did, wouldn't it be weird?"  
Why? So you professors can play tricks just to get me here  
So you can make me a fool with Parvati in front of the whole school.  
Cedric Diggory, better switch me partners!  
So I can slobber over Cho Chang, nothing could be worse  
Then reliving that time I asked her out, but Diggory got to her first  
Little witch, blew me of easy as that, you see  
"Yeah, you're cute but I'm already going with Cedric, tee-hee"  
I should try to get my act together and learn how to be  
Then no one would ever know how much it really sucks to be me  
I'm sick of all you dark wizards  
All you do is try to destroy me  
So I have been sent here to annoy you  
And there are a million followers  
Who look up to me, who try and just press their luck like me  
Who stress like me, who play, curse, and charm like me  
It just might be, close to the real scary thing, but not quite me………..  
  
I'm Harry Potter yes I'm the real Potter  
All you other scar wearers are just aggravating  
So won't the real Harry Potter raise his wand up, raise his wand up, raise   
his wand up  
Cause I'm Harry Potter, yes, I'm the real Potter  
All you other scar wearers are just aggravating  
So won't the real Harry Potter raise his wand up, raise his wand up, raise   
his wand up  
  
I'm like a headache to listen to  
Because I'm only whining at you things  
You'll laugh at with your friends inside your dorm room.  
The only difference is I haven't got the brains to hide it  
From y'all, not enough sense to be false or conceal anything at all  
I just jump on the table and spill it  
And whether I like to admit it, I mess up worse than 90% of u wizards out   
there  
Then I wonder why does  
Snape tear me up so much in his class room  
It's funny, the way I'm going when I'm 30  
I'll be the only one nursing an ego that's still hurting  
Crying to a psychiatrist about my childhood traumas  
And I'm yelping but this whole bag of loony pills isn't helping  
In every single person there's a Harry Potter smirkin'  
He's in u, isn't that super? The part or your mind boring you into a stupor  
Or he'll be on the Quidditch field, practicing, screaming I've found the   
snitch!  
With his broom pointed down and streaming towards the ground like he's got   
an itch  
So would the real Potter raise his wand up  
Wave your hand at the crowd and say wassup  
And announce I am proud to be outta my mind and outta control  
Just one more time, scream if you can, here we go……  
  
I'm Harry Potter, yes, I'm the real Potter  
All you other scar wearers are just aggravating  
So won't the real Harry Potter raise his wand up, raise his wand up, raise   
his wand up  
Cause I'm Harry Potter, yes, I'm the real Potter  
All you other scar wearers are just aggravating  
So won't the real Harry Potter raise his wand up, raise his wand up, raise   
his wand up  
  
Cause I'm Harry Potter, yes, I'm the real Potter  
All you other scar wearers are just aggravating  
So won't the real Harry Potter raise his wand up, raise his wand up, raise   
his wand up  
Cause I'm Harry Potter, yes, I'm the real Potter  
All you other scar wearers are just aggravating  
So won't the real Harry Potter raise his wand up, raise his wand up, raise   
his wand up  
  
Haha, guess there's a Harry Potter in all of us (unfortunately)….. Curse it,   
let's all raise it up  
  
  
Hope you guys enjoyed my parody. Please review! I love to get feed back.   
Thanks!  
~*~Michelle Riddle 


End file.
